B'nei Mitzvah: Preparation and Celebration

The transition from childhood toward adulthood is a process that takes many years. It does not happen on one day or by virtue of any one ritual. At the onset of a Jewish person’s physical, social-emotional, and spiritual maturation, the young adolescent becomes a bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah. All Jewish people become b’nei mitzvah by virtue of reaching adolescence. For most young people, the transition to becoming b’nei mitzvah happens when they are 12 or 13 years of age. Our tradition guides our children toward taking on the Jewish responsibilities associated with adulthood. Some of those responsibilities involve their relationships with other people, and some involve their relationship with God. In taking responsibility for their Jewish practice, b’nei mitzvah count toward a prayer quorum (“minyan”) and may lead a congregation in prayer.

Marking this transition is an innovation that began in the Middle Ages and has evolved since then. Our entire kahal takes great pride and joy in celebrating this milestone with our families. Typically, we mark this occasion during Shabbat services, when our new b’nei mitzvah have the opportunity to lead the kahal in workship, be called to the Torah for an Aliyah, and teach Torah to all of us. Other options for celebrating this milestone are also available based on individual needs. The celebration is a community event.

Our goal is for our children to have a joyful connection to Jewish tradition and community.  Our Talmud Torah offers a foundation in Jewish learning, practice and ritual, empowering them to engage actively in Jewish life.  As they approach the age of mitzvot, our Educator and Rabbi oversee programs that prepare our children and parents to make each member’s coming of age a joyful simcha, a thoughtful tutoring process and individual meetings and study sessions.

We offer many ways for all family members to participate in services celebrating b’nei mitzvah. We look forward to working with you to find the most appropriate ways to honor your family at all b’nei mitzvah celebrations.

We look forward to celebrating this special occasion with you and hope that this information is helpful.  It explains how Beth Israel Center will help to prepare you and your child, ease your planning for the day, and make your family's and our entire congregation's experience of the day meaningful.

Continue reading or jump to:

• Your Child's Education

• Shabbat Attendance

• Tutoring

• Tallit & T’fillin

• Family Attendance/Integration

• D'var Torah

• Family Meeting

• Aufruf

• Rehearsals

• Hosting

• Honors

• Honors Form

• Torah Reading and Davening Assignments

• Parental Roles

• Live Streaming

• Simcha Fees

• Timeline

• How to Have an Aliyah

• Parental Blessing

• Food and Other Celebration Guidelines

• Jewish Ritual Objects

• Invitations

• Thank Yous

The celebration of becoming b’nei mitzvah marks joyfully the time when a Jewish person becomes responsible for taking on mitzvot (observing commandments) and participating as a full member of k’lal Yisrael (the Jewish community).  Meaningful attention to this milestone cannot occur in a vacuum, which is why our educational program focuses on a developmentally appropriate sequence of Judaic values, principles, and text, along with Hebrew reading and prayer skills. Our Talmud Torah program is both joyful and serious, driven by the hope that your child will continue to demonstrate a commitment to Jewish life, Jewish learning and mitzvot. Celebrating having reached the age of mitzvot is part of a lifelong process of growing in commitment to God, Torah, and the Jewish community.

At Beth Israel Center, we expect that every person preparing to take an active role in our communal worship upon becoming b’nei mitzvah will be engaged in our sustained program of Jewish study alongside the personalized preparation that happens in the year leading up to the simcha. Our Talmud Torah begins in kindergarten. Our Shabbat morning program is an integral part of our students’ learning and also helps prepare them to lead the kahal in prayer upon becoming b’nei mitzvah. Following seventh grade, our students continue learning in a different format, N’tivon, through high school graduation.

The Beth Israel Center community respects the unique talents and abilities of every person in our congregation. Just as in our Talmud Torah program, preparation for b’nei mitzvah celebrations takes into consideration each child’s unique strengths and challenges.

Shabbat Attendance:

Regular attendance in our developmentally staged Shabbat morning programming, beginning as young as possible, helps children feel comfortable in our Shabbat morning worship. Our tradition is deep, with much to learn. It takes effort and exposure over time to make it accessible and meaningful.  By attending regularly on Shabbat mornings, children learn how to actively participate in, and eventually lead, a Shabbat morning service.

Tutoring:

Around 12-13 months before your simcha, the Education Director, in consultation with you, our group of tutors, and the Rabbi, will recommend a tutor for your child. Our goal is to match learning styles and personalities and ensure the best possible experience. Typically, the tutor will teach the following skills:

• The blessings recited for an Aliyah to the Torah

• How to lead the Shacharit service, depending on your child’s ability

• The Maftir Torah reading, and any additional Torah reading your child chooses to learn

• How to chant a Haftarah using the trope system

• Shabbat morning Kiddush, netilat yadaim, and motzi

The tutor will also help their tutee brush up on leading the Torah service, which will already be familiar from attendance on Shabbat morning.

The month leading up to your child’s celebration of becoming bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah is a time for them to practice what they have learned. Our intention is that they feel comfortable and well prepared so that they will approach their special day with excitement and an eagerness to continue learning and participating in services for many years to come.

Tutoring sessions are typically 45 minutes long.  For consistency and fairness, we have standardized the payments for our tutors at $40 per hour, which works out to $30 per 45 minute session.  Our tutors bill the hours through the BIC office as they report monthly on your child's progress.  The office posts the charges to your account.  All children are different; depending upon their skills, commitment, goals and practicing outside of lessons, most children have between 25 and 35 tutoring sessions.

The payment schedule for tutoring is:

• $500 when the tutor is assigned.

• $250 at the time of the 25th session (or after 18.75 hours)

• Fees beyond session #25 will be billed as and when reported by the tutor. The timing of charges for sessions beyond the 25th session will depend on when the tutor reports those hours.

An important element of coming into our own relationship with God is learning about and becoming comfortable with the essential forms of Jewish worship. Please speak with the Rabbi for advice on purchasing appropriate t’fillin and tallitot well ahead of your child becoming bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah. At least a month prior to reaching the age of mitzvot, our students should be prepared to pray on Shabbat mornings with a tallit and on weekday mornings with tallit and t’fillin.  These prayer tools are highly individualized and must be purchased for each person. If cost is a barrier, please speak with the Rabbi. We are dedicated to each member having their own t’fillin and will work with you to make this possible.

In the months before your child’s bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah, you will learn together the what, why, and how of tallit and t’fillin through a two-part experience with Rabbi Betsy. This will help you and your child grow more comfortable with these traditions.

Family Attendance/Integration

In the six months leading up to your simcha, your family is expected attend Shabbat morning services on a regular basis with our Beth Israel Center community. This will strengthen the connection that you and your child have with the congregation, which will make you feel more at home within the congregation and deepen your spiritual and emotional experience of the day. On Shabbat mornings when the Talmud Torah Shabbat Morning Program is not in session, you should bring your aspiring bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah celebrant to services with you. You will find it most helpful to attend the full service.

D'var Torah

Family Meeting

Aufruf

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Rehearsals

Your child will meet with the Rabbi two months before their bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah celebration. At that time, the Rabbi will hear all that your child has prepared up to that point. The Rabbi will then confer with your child, the tutor, and you, and set clear goals to be accomplished in the time remaining.

In the 10 days before your simcha, usually on the Thursday before (after the aufruf), the Rabbi will conduct a full rehearsal of all the parts of the service that your child will be leading. This can also be an opportunity for any immediate family members who are leading parts of the service or reading Torah to practice. You should let the Rabbi know if you would like her to hear others, besides the bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah celebrant.

Please contact Katie (office@bethisraelcenter.org) around the time your tutor is assigned to schedule both of these rehearsals.

Hosting

When you plan your invitations, please remember that some invitees will arrive on time or early unless you give them clear and concise information advising them otherwise.  You may choose to explain to some of your guests that while our worship begins at 9:15am, your child's role in our worship will begin around 9:30am if they are leading Shacharit or closer to 9:45am for the Torah Service.

We want to do all that we can to make your guests feel welcome and comfortable in our synagogue.  Communicating with them about communal norms and expectations will allow them to engage with our community and worship as fully as possible.  Please inform your guests that on Shabbat, in keeping with our observance of the sanctity of the day of rest, we do not write or use any electronic devices such as cell phones, cameras, or digital media players anywhere in the synagogue building for the entire day of Shabbat, including at the kiddush lunch and parties that begin before Shabbat is over. Also, we do not bring gifts or cards to the synagogue on Shabbat.

At Beth Israel Center, it is neither typical nor necessary for the family to provide a written program for your guests. Our Ritual Committee has thoughtfully created and updated our welcome booklets to orient our guests and help them follow our services. Should you wish to prepare any sort of additional handout for Shabbat services, please keep the content personal and in keeping with our sense that we as a Beth Israel Center community are hosting and celebrating the simcha of your child’s reaching the age of mitzvot.

Additionally, Beth Israel Center prints announcements each week for distribution on Shabbat morning. The week of your simcha, you may, if you choose, send up to 100 words welcoming guests and thanking friends, teachers, family members, etc., who helped your family reach this milestone. Please send text to office@bethisraelcenter.org by the Monday before your simcha.

Proper Attire
Respectful attire honors the sanctity of Shabbat and is expected of family members and guests.  We ask everyone to wear a head covering while in our building; typically this means a kippah or a headband. Please advise those who are unfamiliar with our services of these expectations.  If you are concerned about communicating this to your guests, the office has examples of wording regarding proper attire for Shabbat.

Ritual Attire
Our custom is that all people in the synagogue building wear a head covering. We provide a selection of kippot (“yarmulkes”) and headbands, and you are also welcome to provide special head coverings for your simcha. All guests are invited to cover their heads, and will be required to do so if ascending the bimah during the service.

All of the children at Beth Israel Center are raised with the expectation that they will wear a tallit at Shabbat morning services, and Jewish guests are warmly invited to do so as well.  As this practice has evolved for women, we encourage, but do not require, mature women to wear a tallit.

For anyone on the bima:

1. Please advise all of your guests to whom you are assigning honors that they must wear head coverings on the bimah.

2. A tallit is required when davening (leading services) or leyning (reading Torah), regardless of gender.

Candy Tossing
A custom at Beth Israel Center is to gently toss soft and kosher candy (provided by the synagogue) in the direction of the celebrant. Typically, candy is tossed at the completion of the blessings after the Haftarah. If the celebrant is not chanting the Haftarah, there are other options. The candy represents the sweet future we all wish for your child.

Candy is handed out to the congregation as quietly as possible, typically while the bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah is chanting the blessings after the Haftarah. Asking your child's friends or relatives to distribute the candy is a nice way to include them in the service. If possible, ask people who are familiar with simchas at Beth Israel Center to do this or to partner with visiting guests.

Honors

B’nei mitzvah celebrations are celebrations for our entire community. We relish the opportunity to welcome your child to take part in our communal rituals, alongside members of the congregation. You may invite some of your friends or family members to take part in our service, by chanting the blessings before and after the Torah readings, opening the Ark, wrapping the Torah (Gelilah), and/or leading a Prayer for our Country in English, Prayer for Israel in Hebrew, or a responsive Prayer for Peace in English. Assigning these honors is optional. Any honors not designated in advance will be assigned on Shabbat morning. Note that Conservative standards do not permit those who are members of the Jewish People by patrilineal descent, or who are not Jewish, to be called to the Torah or to read from the Torah.

We offer many ways for loved ones, regardless of religious status, to participate in services celebrating b’nei mitzvah. We warmly invite pairs to the Torah for an aliyah, in which a Jewish honoree is called in Hebrew and recites the traditional Hebrew blessings, accompanied by an honoree who is not Jewish, is named in English, and is invited to recite a short, nonsectarian blessing in English. 

Although the Conservative Movement does not recognize patrilineal descent, we nonetheless understand that increasing numbers of Jewish families follow patrilineal descent. Rabbi Betsy will be happy to help you find affirming ways to include loved ones who identify as Jews and were not born to a Jewish mother.

Please contact the Rabbi with plenty of lead time if you have questions or concerns about who may receive particular honors.

Please complete the Honors form and send it to the office (preferably by email to office@bethisraelcenter.org) two weeks before your simcha.

Beth Israel Center will assign any honors that you have not designated. A member of our congregation is assigned each Shabbat to distribute aliyot and will use the information from your form to expedite our services.

Download a blank Honors form here.

A.    Ark opening for removal of Torah Scroll (p 168)—one or two people to open the Ark and to take the Torah out.  The honoree(s) will join in the procession around the synagogue.  A member of the congregation will ascend the bima at this time to guide and assist the honoree(s).

B.    Aliyot during the Torah reading
You may assign up to five of these, including the Maftir Aliyah, which is automatically assigned to the reader of the Haftarah.
Kohen—    the first aliyah must go to one Kohen or Bat Kohen and cannot be assigned to a pair
Levi—    the second aliyah must go to one Levi or Bat Levi and cannot be assigned to a pair
Shlishi—    the third aliyah
Revi’i—    the fourth aliyah
Chamishi—    the fifth aliyah
Shishi—    the sixth aliyah
Shvi’i—    the seventh aliyah
Maftir—    the final aliyah, given to the person who will chant the haftarah.

Helpful Information for Assigning Aliyot:

1.    Those having aliyot to the Torah must be Jewish adults (post bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah age), must know how to correctly chant the blessings in Hebrew both before and after the respective Torah reading, and provide their Hebrew names in advance.  As mentioned above, we also have procedures in which a person who is not Jewish accompanies a Jewish person to the Torah and has the opportunity to recite a short, English blessing.

See “How to Have an Aliyah” and share this information with your designated honorees if they do not regularly attend services at Beth Israel Center.

2.      According to Jewish tradition, an aliyah is given to an individual. Most of the time, we uphold this tradition at Beth Israel Center. However, embracing egalitarian life and worship has stimulated change in what is permitted for some aliyot — notably those following the Kohen and Levi, particularly when celebrating a simcha. Our tradition teaches us that when a couple consecrates their relationship through marriage before God and the community, the couple is understood to speak with one voice.  At Beth Israel Center, aliyot #3 thru #7 may be given to a married couple. In the case of an intermarried couple, the Jewish partner may recite the blessings while the partner who is not Jewish stands at their side. Divorced couples may also share an aliyah on the day of their child's bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah, as they are seen to speak with one voice as to the rearing of their shared child.  If you have questions, concerns or unique circumstances, please speak with the Rabbi.

3.      The Kohen and Levi aliyot are given only to individuals. A Kohen or Levi may only have the Aliyah named for them. They may not, as individuals or as part of a married couple, have any other aliyah (#3-#7).

4.     If you wish to honor multiple Kohanim or multiple Levi'im in your family, please consult the Rabbi as to how to distribute the aliyot.  It may be possible to create extra aliyot to accommodate additional Kohanim or Levi’im.

C.    Hagbaha (raising the Torah scroll) Gelilah (dressing the Torah scroll).  The hagbaha honor (or honors if there will be more than one Sefer Torah used on the day of your simcha) should be given to a BIC member who is accustomed to lifting our scrolls. Please let us know if you would like us to invite a particular member who is experienced at this. The Gelilah honor(s) can be given to anyone who is Jewish. Although it requires no speaking or reading, Gelilah is considered the highest honor of the Torah honors.

D.    Ark opening for returning the Torah scroll (p 183). The same people who removed the Torah from the Ark usually return it, but if you wish to honor additional people, a different person or pair may be named. The honoree(s) will join the procession around the synagogue and open and close the Ark at the appropriate times.

E.    Honoring family and friends who are not Jewish.  A person of any (or no) faith may open the Ark, lead a Prayer for Our Country in English or a Prayer for Peace in English. A person of any (or no) faith may also accompany a person who is Jewish by standing with them for any honor on the bimah, including an aliyah to the Torah, in which case they are named in English and given the opportunity to recite a short, English blessing following the Hebrew blessing after the reading.

F.    Including your child's siblings and friends.  A lovely way to celebrate the multi-generational depth of our community is to include your child's friends and siblings in our worship that morning.  Jewish youth who are already 13 may receive any of the honors described above, or may participate in our worship as described below.  Younger children may come on to the bima to help lead Eyn Keloheinu and Adon Olam at the end of the service, whether they know the words or not.

Torah Reading and Davening Assignments

If you have family members or friends who are able to chant from the Sefer Torah with proper pronunciation and cantillation, asking them to do so on the day of your simcha can be a honor for them.   It is our experience that the day we celebrate a bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah is not an ideal time for someone to chant from the Sefer Torah for the first time or for the first time in a long time.  Often the pressure and excitement of the day combined with the strangeness of chanting in a new place destabilize the new or rusty reader.  We strongly encourage those who do not routinely read Torah to prepare an additional aliyah to read in the weeks or months before the simcha, to get jitters out of the way.

Different congregations have different understandings of what it means to prepare a Torah reading properly.  At Beth Israel Center, our expectation is that our Torah readers are able to read the letters and vowels precisely, directly from the Torah scroll itself (not from a photocopied sheet or from a chumash or tikkun), having memorized the Torah trope/cantillation to guide their chanting.

If you would like to ask family and/or friends to read from the Sefer Torah on the day of the simcha, please contact Rayla Temin at least three months prior to the day.  Please also give contact information for each person who will be reading Torah to the Rabbi at least three months in advance so that she can make arrangements to hear them in advance and make sure that they are prepared and understand our community’s expectations.

Davening (leading prayers)
We welcome your suggestions for daveners from our congregation.  We are usually able to accommodate your requests; however, there are times when circumstances require that we assign the davening to another person.  If you have someone in mind from outside Beth Israel Center who is knowledgeable, qualified, and experienced in davening, you may suggest that individual.  It is of course essential that service leaders be familiar with our service, melodies and customs.  Please speak to the Rabbi at least three months in advance to make this arrangement.

Ritual Committee Point Person
It is important to be aware that your simcha is an integral part of our regular schedule for Shabbat services.  These schedules are prepared and distributed to all participants well in advance so they can study their assignments. The person who, in consultation with the Rabbi, currently prepares our davening and Torah reading lists is Rayla Temin.  It is essential that you consult her at least three months ahead so that we may begin the process of integrating your requests into the monthly schedule.  Since your list has to be finalized by two months prior to your simcha, the conversation needs to be initiated by you well in advance of that.  Please email Rayla Temin at rgtemin@wisc.edu or call 608-238-4398.

If there are any other ways that we can assist you in organizing your simcha, please let us know.  Call us at (608)-256-7763 or email the Rabbi or office.

Parental Roles

Modeling and supporting a thriving Jewish life are the most important roles parents play in their child/ren's spiritual life and development.  A vital role in preparing your child to become b'nei mitzvah is to support their learning by making every effort to ensure the best possible attendance and commitment to their work in Talmud Torah, with their tutor(s), and with the Education Director and Rabbi.

During the Service

When a child reaches the age of mitzvot, the entire family experiences a liminal moment. The dynamic of responsibility and authority in the home shifts along with the religious landscape as the family makes room for the thoughts and decisions of their newly accountable member. We understand that most parents welcome an opportunity to express their gratitude, hopes, and other thoughts publicly in our sacred communal space.

At Beth Israel Center we strive to achieve an appropriate balance of family participation in our communal service on the day of a simcha. We come together in our sanctuary every week to derive blessing from sharing together in the liturgical rituals of Shabbat. On the special day of your child’s celebration, we are pleased to offer you a unique opportunity to express your feelings and address your child within the liturgical framework of our communal service.

That structure we offer includes choices to reflect your unique experience and perspective at the moment when your child has completed their leading of the davening, scriptural chanting, and teaching Torah to the kahal. The structure includes three components: (1) a prayerful reflection, (2) personal words, if you wish to include them, and (3) the Shehecheyanu blessing, which we invite you to recite together with your family.

Part One: Prayerful Reflection

This is a time to express your gratitude at this liminal moment in your family’s life.
The reflection will serve as an introduction to more personal words, if you choose to extend your remarks.

Please choose one of the following:

CHOICE A

{I/We} give thanks for the gifts that have come to {me and my/us and our} family on this day. With hearts filled with love and pride, {I am/we are} grateful for all that has brought us to this happy moment. {I/We} hope for the wisdom to continue to guide {child’s name} to walk with integrity as {he/ she/they} follows the paths of {his/her/their} own life journey. May {child’s name} help to make our world brighter and carry {his/her/their} Jewish identity proudly wherever {he/she/they} {goes/go}. 

CHOICE B

With gratitude to the Source of Life and Goodness, {I/we} give thanks for the blessing of this day and for the privilege of rearing {child’s name} to the cusp of maturity. As {he/she/they} {has/have} reached the age of mitzvot, counting fully in the rituals and responsibilities of the Jewish People, {I/we} we pray for the wisdom and discernment we need to guide {him/her/them} to adulthood. May {child’s name} be a credit to our People and may {he/she/they} always seek paths of kindness and truth.

CHOICE C (traditional prayer)

We thank God who has granted new responsibility to {child’s name} and to {me/us} as {his/her/their} {parent/parents}. As {child’s name} begins to enjoy {his/her/their} new status among the Jewish People, may God grant {me/us} the wisdom to continue as {his/her/their} {guide/guides} and {counselor/counselors}, allowing {child’s name} to live in accordance with the teachings of our Torah as a responsible Jewish adult.

CHOICE D (your own words)

You may compose your own expression of gratitude. The Rabbi can help you, if you would like. If you write your own, please submit it to the Rabbi for review at least one week before your celebration.

Part Two: Personal Words

This is a time to expand your reflections in words that reflect your hopes and wishes and the significance of this milestone in the life of your family.

Please choose one of the following:

Part 2, CHOICE A:

Address your child, God, or both, in your own words, noting your child’s special qualities, how this milestone fits into the larger picture of your family life, how you hope your child will contribute to the Jewish community, and what you wish for your child as they move toward adulthood.

Your words may be as brief as a few sentences or up to a minute and a half as the outer limit. As a guide, we recommend one, typed page, using 14-point characters, with 1.5 line spacing. It should not be longer than that.

In keeping with the setting, you may find it helpful to use words like “Our wish for you…We hope you will continue to…May you be blessed with…”

Part 2, CHOICE B:

Use all, or part, or a combination of any of the following texts, which are offered for parents who want help finding the right words. Feel free to incorporate your own words into any of these.

You may also wish to draw on language from one of the texts offered in Part 1, above.

Keep in mind that regardless of how you may combine your words with one or more of these suggested resources, your words may be as brief as a few sentences or up to a minute and a half as the outer limit. As a guide, we recommend up to one, typed page, using 14-point characters, with 1.5 line spacing.

Suggested Text 1

{Child’s name}, on this day, cherished dreams and hopes are fulfilled and new dreams and hopes are born. How privileged {I/we} feel that you are our child and for the love and devotion that we share. {I am/We are} grateful for the privilege of seeing you grow into the {strong and capable/adjectives of your choice} person you are. {I/We} pray that you will feel God’s presence wherever you go and in all that you do. May you find the insight and courage to become all that you are capable of being. May you have the strength to do all the good things that are within your reach, and may you always remain loyal to the best you have been shown and to the noblest teachings of our Torah.

Suggested Text 2
(slightly adapted from Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin, Putting God on the Guest List)

{Child’s name,} What {I/we} wish for you, we wish for all children. {I/we} wish for you to be a person of character–strong but not tough, gentle but not weak.

{I/we} wish for you to be righteous but not self-righteous. May your hands build and your heart preserve what is good and beautiful in our world.

May the voices of the generations of our People move through you, and may the God of our ancestors be your God as well.

May you know that there is a People, honest and forgiving, and a rich heritage, to which you belong, from which you are connected to all who dwell on earth.

Wherever you journey, may your steps be firm, and may you walk in just path and not be afraid.

Whenever you speak, may your words be words of wisdom and friendship.

May the stories of our People be upon your heart and may the Torah’s most graceful rhythms dance in your soul.

Suggested Text 3

{Child’s name}, {I/We} have dreamed of this day for a long time and now that it is here {my heart/our hearts} overflow with joy and gratitude. {I am/We are} so proud of the {thoughtful and interesting/adjectives of your choice} person you are. {I/We} hope that the traditions of our People will continue to inspire you as you write the story of your own life. May you have the courage and commitment you need to live out your highest values. Wherever your life takes you, know that we love you unconditionally.

Part 2, CHOICE C:

Many parents prefer to save personal words for a different setting. You have the option of skipping Part 2 entirely and going directly from Part 1, above, to Part 3, below.

Part Three:  Birkat Shehecheyanu

You will be invited to recite the Shehecheyanu blessing together with your entire immediate family including the grandparents of the b-mitzvah celebrant. This is the prayer that Jews recite when God has enabled us to reach a happy time. Your entire family is welcome to recite this prayer together, regardless of the faith practices of individual family members. You may speak the words or sing them using the melody of your choice. You may recite it without assistance. If you prefer, the Rabbi will lead you in reciting or singing it.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הַעוֹלָם שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּוְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha’olam sheh-heh-cheh-yanu v’ki-y’manu v’higiyanu la-z’man hazeh.

The prayer is recited only in Hebrew. This is its literal translation: Blessed are You, Lord our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who has granted us life and sustained us and enabled us to reach this time.

Before / After Services
Life cycle moments are wonderful opportunities to link personal hopes and dreams with Jewish rituals. There are many such opportunities during b’nei mitzvah weekends. We encourage you to create spaces at your Shabbat dinner or other celebrations for family members and friends to give voice to the meaning of the event and express their good wishes. If you choose to say a few words from the bimah before offering your child the traditional parental blessing, please limit comments to three short sentences or three lines of verse.

Parents are warmly invited to prepare longer remarks for delivering to their child during the kiddush lunch. If you choose to do so, we will provide a podium and microphone in the social hall for you. Be sure to review this detail when you meet with the staff 3 months prior to your simcha.

Parents typically provide the congregational kiddush lunch that follows Shabbat morning services. Sometimes other family members or friends contribute; each family's situation is unique. Our Executive Director can help plan your kiddush and any other elements of your simcha that will take place at Beth Israel Center. See our guide below for more information.

Live Streaming

All Shabbat services at Beth Israel Center are live-streamed, and you are welcome to share the link with your friends and family.

For occasions such as b’nei mitzvah celebrations, we run a “produced” stream, which provides a higher-quality, more engaging video production than our standard, “static” streams. A produced stream uses both cameras and human, remote camera operators who follow the action and help remote participants feel more connected to the service. (A static stream uses only one camera, and the view remains the same from start to finish.) Your simcha fee (see next section) partially covers the cost of this enhanced video production.

Simcha Fees

To offset the costs of having larger than usual numbers of people in attendance, we assess simcha fees to families hosting b’nei mitzvah celebrations at Beth Israel Center. This is in addition to our expectation that the family provides the kiddush lunch (for a Shabbat morning simcha).

The fee structure is based on the total number of people (including “regulars”) who you anticipate will attend services.

• $180 for up to 125 people

• $360 for 126-175 people

• $540 for more than 175 people

These fees are waived if you expect fewer than 10 guests (people who do not regularly attend Shabbat morning services at Beth Israel Center) to attend.

Timeline

Click here to view/download a generic timeline.
Families who select a date prior to receiving their handbook will receive a copy of this timeline with their child’s dates inserted.

How to Have an Aliyah

• The honoree gives the honors card to the Gabbai. (The honors coordinator will pass out honors cards to the honorees upon or shortly after their arrival on Saturday.)

• The honoree(s) stands to the reader's right side. The reader will point out the place in the Torah scroll where the reading begins. The honoree takes his/her tallit, or the nearby Torah binder and touches it to the designated spot, then kisses the cloth prior to chanting the opening blessing.

• The scroll is kept open while the first blessing is chanted. While chanting the blessing, the honoree should take hold of the Atzei Hayim – the spools upon which the Sefer Torah is mounted — lift slightly, and replace at the end of the blessing.

• At the conclusion of the reading the same practices are followed in chanting the closing blessing, except that this time, the scroll is closed when the blessing is recited.

• Then, when the next honoree(s) come up, the current honoree(s) step(s) off to the right side of the reading table and remain(s) on the bima during the next reading.

• After the next reading is completed, the honoree(s) descend(s) from the bima.

Note: This section describes the pre-pandemic “normal” logistics. At this time, we have made some modifications. The Rabbi and gabbaim will provide instructions and support during the service.

Beth Israel Center is a kosher facility. All food and drink must be kosher. Our kashrut policy can be found here, and we are happy to answer any questions and provide guidance as needed.

Beth Israel Center is also a nut-aware facility. Please do not serve nuts or include them as ingredients in any food served at Beth Israel Center.

AUFRUF
If you would like to provide breakfast for your family, friends and those who regularly attend morning minyan on the Thursday before your child’s bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah celebration, it is customary to include bagels and cream cheese. The easiest place to get kosher bagels and cream cheese is Bagels Forever, 2947 University Ave. , which opens at 6:30 am.  A “bagel box” there of 26 bagels & 2 tubs of cream cheese will be more than enough. Beth Israel has a bagel slicer to use, or you can place an order in advance for sliced bagels.

Some other food (but bagels & cream cheese is plenty):
Coffee: There is usually one small pot of regular coffee brewed for the minyan. If you would like to supplement this supply, one or more disposable boxes may be brought in from local coffee shops.
Orange juice.
Lox: reasonably priced at Trader Joe’s or Costco (other places as well).
Donuts: Greenbush Bakery on Regent Street has kosher donuts and opens at 6 am; they are not open on Mondays.

Other Guidelines
•    The service begins at 7:15am and lasts about one hour. Many participants arrive early to lay t’fillin.
•    You may bring in disposable plates, napkins, cutlery and cups to make the meal more festive if you choose.
•    Food can be set up after the service is over (sometimes someone from the minyan will do the set up).
•    A bottle of whiskey may be brought in for a L’chayim (celebratory toast).


KIDDUSH
At Beth Israel Center, the simcha family provides the congregational Kiddush lunch on Shabbat.  All those attending services are invited to attend the luncheon, whether they are expressly invited friends and family of the celebrants or not.  The scale of the celebratory meal is at your discretion. However you organize the food, note that it is also customary for those families that would like to make celebratory toasts with hard liquor to provide whiskey or other kosher liquor of their choice.

There are three ways to organize your kiddush.

1) Sponsor kiddush. When you sponsor kiddush, BIC staff and congregants (recruited by BIC) will procure and prepare the food items you choose from our set menus, and BIC congregants (recruited by BIC staff) will do all the day-of tasks — setup, buffet management, cleanup. Click here for details.

2) Hire a professional caterer. Please consult the list of approved caterers, which is available from the office. Caterers must submit menus for review and schedule kitchen time with the Executive Director.

3) Self cater, using your friends and family. In this scenario, you have full discretion on the menu, and you take on the full responsibility for shopping and purchasing all food items. If you choose to self cater, please contact the office to schedule kitchen, discuss kashrut, and for guidance on how to estimate guest count and other details. When self-catering, you must be (or have present someone who is) trained and approved by the Rabbi to use the kitchen.


PARTY GUIDELINES:

Shabbat & Kashrut
Families may host events at Beth Israel Center in addition to the Kiddush lunch. Examples include a dinner Friday night or a Saturday evening party, with or without dinner. Such plans must be consistent with our observance of Shabbat and kashrut.  

Some Shabbat guidelines to keep in mind:
•    Friday evening Kabbalat Shabbat services begin at 5:45 and are about an hour long. All are welcome. A Friday night dinner at Beth Israel may begin no earlier than 6:45pm. Approved caterers or the Rabbi or Executive Director can help with making dinner plans that honor kashrut and Shabbat.
•    Lights and other devices (audio system, ovens) that are on when Shabbat begins should be left on and not switched on or off on Shabbat, from 18 minutes before sundown Friday until 42 minutes after sundown Saturday.
•    All supplies must be loaded into the building before or after — not during — Shabbat. This applies to food, flowers, decorations, musicians’ or DJ’s equipment, etc. Likewise, all food, flowers, decorations, and equipment must remain in the building until after Shabbat goes out 42 minutes after sundown.
•    AV/DJ, etc., equipment for use at a Saturday evening event must be set up after Shabbat.

•    All events are either meat or dairy – both meat and dairy are not served at any one event.
•    Fresh uncut fruit and vegetables do not require a hekhsher.
•    Frozen uncut fruit and vegetables do not require a hekhsher.
•    All packaged food must have a hekhsher or letter of kosher certification.
•    All prepared food must be prepared in the BIC kitchen, or in another certified kosher kitchen (e.g. a kosher restaurant).
•    Home-cooked food may not be brought into the building (except for BIC community potluck meals).
•    Wine used for Kiddush requires a hekhsher; it does not need to be mevushal.
•    Direct questions about specific liquors to the Rabbi.
•    Prepared foods may be reheated on Shabbat.  The oven must be turned on before Shabbat (before candle lighting time the night before) or by a non-Jewish employee of Beth Israel Center or an approved caterer.

For more information on keeping kosher and Shabbat, please contact the Rabbi or consult the Kashrut Guidelines where you can find a guide to the hekhshers accepted at and rules about using the Beth Israel kitchen.

Supervision
A party celebrating a bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah often has a guest list dominated by young teenagers. It is your responsibility to supervise all of your guests, especially those whose parents are not also in attendance. Please allow your guests to use only those parts of the building that you are actively supervising. For example, unless you have a particular plan and approval to use any of the spaces on other levels, your party should be confined to the main floor.

Security Deposit
In accordance with the rental agreement you will sign if you host a private event, Beth Israel Center will collect a security deposit from you. This amount may be used to pay for any unusual cleaning or repair costs deemed necessary by the staff following your simcha.

Tallit:    Becoming bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah is typically the time in a young person’s life when they receive a tallit. Ideally, the tallit fully enwraps a person, like a blanket, rather than resembling a scarf. In many families, the parents or grandparents present the tallit as a gift. Tallitot may be purchased online or at your favorite Judaica shop.
T’fillin:     Please speak with the Rabbi for advice on purchasing appropriate t’fillin at least two months prior to when your child becomes bar/bat/b’nei mitzvah, so that we can help your child learn to wrap them properly, and they are able to practice no later than one month before reaching the age of mitzvot. If cost is a barrier, please speak with the Rabbi. We are dedicated to each member, regardless of gender, having their own t’fillin and will work with you to make this possible.
Kiddush Cup:    A special cup used for the blessing over wine on Shabbat and Jewish holidays, given as a gift from the Women’s League of Beth Israel Center.
Tanakh:    The full Hebrew Bible, given as a gift from the kahal (congregation).
Kippot:    Some families choose to supply personalized kippot for their simchah. They are available from many websites. Purchasing enough for 75% of your total expected service attendance should be more than adequate, as not everyone will take or keep them.

There are many approaches to invitation design and style. Artwork may be created by a friend or family member, invitations may or may not be professionally printed, some families use e-mail for all or some of the information. The minimum details to include are your child’s name, the date, when services start (9:15 am), the length of services (approximately 3 hours) and Beth Israel’s address: 1406 Mound Street, Madison, WI 53711. For guests who may not regularly attend traditional services, you may want to note what time your child's role in the service will begin. If they are leading Shacharit, this time is around 9:30am. The Torah Service usually begins around 10:00am. Guests may arrive at any time.

All Shabbat services are live-streamed, and you may share the link with your friends and family.

Honoring Shabbat
If you would like to add text about how Shabbat is honored in the synagogue to your invitations, our Ritual Committee suggests:
We welcome and honor Shabbat in many ways, including coming together as a community for our Shabbat services.  With that in mind, please remember to shut off all electronic devices (cell phones, cameras, etc.) during the service and kiddush lunch and whenever you are in the building on Shabbat.  We also ask for appropriate dress in the sanctuary.  These gestures help create a spiritually uplifting environment for all.

Thank Yous

Beth Israel prints announcements each week for distribution on Shabbat morning.  The week of your simcha, you may, if you choose, send up to 100 words welcoming guests and thanking friends, teachers, family members, etc., who helped your family reach this milestone. Please send your text to office@bethisraelcenter.org by the Monday before your simcha.